I call her beautiful to cover up the fact I’ve forgotten her name.
She asks if I love her and I say I don’t know. It’s deeper than I first thought.
I can’t sleep. She can sleep through anything. I check if she’s still breathing.
She’s different from before, she’s no longer sweet, when I kiss her she tastes toxic. She is changing and I am not. She wants to leave this world but I want her to stay with me; I don’t know whats on the other side.
I let the image of her laying down asleep in front of me drift lazily in and out of focus.
I love her and she needs me so we’ll try one last time. I need more time but we’ve had so much already. Her demons fight mine but neither die, something is breaking but it’s not my heart. We’re still young we can live on the edge and risk our lives without regret.
The cold from the pavement is seeping into the skin of my back and the heat from her body is seeping into the skin on my front. Trapped between two opposites again. ‘I don’t mind’ I repeat like a mantra in my head over and over until I feel numb. I don’t feel the icy pavement anymore but then I don’t feel her anymore. We’re both sick and need to be healed. Neither of us can help one another though we try, maybe we should find people who can.
From times before I can guess her heartbeat is uneven, as uneven as my haircut. She stirs, stares at me. I tell her what I’ve been thinking; that we need other peoples help. Her screams are drowned out by the sirens. I saw the gun but didn’t feel it; she did.
No more chances are robbed from me. It’s done. Our twisted love is over. Blood mixes with rain water. She wants to leave but she wont go, if you would just remove this façade you’re putting on for me you would realise how broken we are.
I can’t sleep. My mind is like the street I’m laying on; busy and dangerous. The city that never sleeps is what my head should be called. If she looked from the outside she’d see how wrong we were. Everything has changed we’re no longer children; that life has ended. These streets are the same but filled with strangers making it feel different; everybody I knew are gone. The memories flood back it’s like I’m drowning, so much has changed since we last met. We’re older now. No longer dreamers as the cold reality hits us like a bullet of a gun.
On the outside, I’m fine, but she can see the inside…
Reflection: The band that wrote this song mean a lot to me as all their music has a story to it and you can either try and decipher what they mean personally or use is to create your own meaning. I often try to do both and mix the two to create something personal yet true to their story. I often fall asleep to The 1975 and let their music guide my dreams and this is an example of a daydream I had recently when listening to this song which is one of my all time favourites as it makes me feel a strong sense of emotion every single time I hear it.
The story/poem/free form whatever, is basically about a teenage couple who have grown up together after leaving everyone behind to do so. After a while the relationship becomes very dysfunctional but they love each other so much they stay in it even though it’s hurting them. They’re both scared to see what it would be like without each other. Because the relationship is so dysfunctional and toxic they’re actually robbing each other of true happiness due to their ignorance of just how bad a relationship they have, when, they could have something better.
It’s written in the male point of view whereby they’re both asleep on the streets of their hometown that they have gone back to after leaving years ago. They do this order to try gain back what they had in the past, only for him to realise how much their hometown has changed to the point where it doesn’t feel like home and how much they have changed to the point where she doesn’t feel like home. He expresses how he feels and she pulls out a gun which kind of symbolises their relationship as guns are also unstable and dangerous. He thinks she’s going to shoot him but she pulls it on herself to symbolise the ending of the relationship causing a flesh wound aka the hurt they both feel ending it with her physically hurt and him mentally hurt due to the self harm he more or less caused her to do.
Moving on he realises that no more chances for happiness can be stolen from him by her and visa versa. But as they mature and become adults their spark and fire that made the relationship they did have both good and bad has been put off and in the end looking back they miss it.